Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Long-haired Achaeans

The title is a Homeric epithet.

I'm just in a jolly jolly mood, and i thought i would share it with my favorite people -- bloggers and bloggees of blogland.

Had to leave my mental illness group today, which was happily watching Dark Knight, the Batman movie with Heath Ledger. I managed to weasel my way out by telling the truth, which was that I wasn't sure that I was doing what I needed to do to get better, plus saying that the movie was pushing my violence-non-violence, good-non-good buttons, not knowing where to place myself with regard to that, etc. It worked, but I made my Mom worried because I wasn't there when she came to pick me up. Don't tell her but I sneaked half a cigarette.

Anywho I really am trying really hard to be kind, normal, happy, caring and all that, and sometimes it seems not to be worth the rather great amount of effort it takes. Why is that? Does anybody have an opinion/clue?

News Flash: I've finally decided after 17.444 years that someone I once knew as Lynda/Barry's Barry personality was a "crock" and that I had idealized that state of being to the point of self-destruction: I finally know it isn't for me. Besides admitting that I am a woman to myself (admittedly, "again") I was crying about my father's death. He really was a very influential figure in my life, and I'll never be able to convey to him that, though I don't think he liked himself and took that out on others, he was important to me, especially in encouraging me to read, especially such steampunk authors as Jules Verne, Edgar Rice Burroughs, etc. That reminds me I bought a copy of Around the World in Eighty Days, which I read about age 10-12, and Dracula, which I have never read.

Thinking about it, maybe it would be a good idea to get together a club in which people assume various Homeric personae along with the corresponding epithets. We could share seas of dark wine as the main ritual, and sacrifice pounds of roasted meats to ourselves. Sorry to disgust those veggies among the readership.

I'm hoping that with all the changes we are seeing on this planet that people will have the good sense to give themselves time to reflect, to share, to practice hospitality even with those with whom they disagree, and perhaps add to community life by digging a figurative or literal well, volunteering at a hospital or homeless shelter, and generally making life better for all of one's neighbors directly as well as in taking stands, etc. Possibly I need to learn from these words more than many or most.

I'm just going to go for broke -- it's been a long, arduous journey and I'm hoping that those of you who know me will also know that this time of rest is really necessary for me and also know that what I know as the Goddess is present also in places of repose, rest and recuperation as much as in places of struggle and stress. In other words, thank you for understanding that I am not made of invulnerable metal/titanium/uranium or other form of material nor do I possess endless reserves of energy. I'm going to do my best to treat others with the same consideration that I am learning that I NEED. "Age 45."

Here's to the ancient practice of giving what you can and then being okay with the results.

Thank you for reading.



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